The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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