I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
