The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
