Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found your dick twin last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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