There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
