At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
