i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
