Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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