Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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