it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
