I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
