As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
