turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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