new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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