honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
