I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
