just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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