It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
