You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
