Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you win again, gameday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
