I molested 6 butterflies tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
