well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
