You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
