suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
