I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
