And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
