I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
