We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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