You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
