My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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