2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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