I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
