I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
