we have officially lost it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
