I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
