i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
