I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
