Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
