is wine microwaveable?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
