If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
