The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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