Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
