i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
