You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
