we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
