I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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