the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
