Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
