11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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