her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
