drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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