I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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