In the future we'll all be gay
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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