Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
