I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
