dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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